they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
