I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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