you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
