found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize