It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
