I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
