Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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