Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
