I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
