Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
