my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
