You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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