Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
