Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
