Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
