i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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