I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
