Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
