Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
