I cannot find my penis.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
