i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
