Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
