be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Drunk is not a location!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
