Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
