Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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