It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
