Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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