well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
