If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
