I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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