And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
