Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
