it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
