Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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