his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
