gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
