I think i sorta joined a cult last night
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
