It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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