your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
