TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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