you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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