so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
