Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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