If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
