I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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