someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
