Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
