if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
