We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
