I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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