I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
