hotel room ftw
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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