I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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