So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
